All my life I've known I'm not human. I was that kid that growled and bit at people and played animal games rather than "house" or "doctor". I taught myself from a young age to walk on the balls of my feet. I was in Special Education as a child, in part due to this behavior, and of course I was bullied for being the 'dinosaur kid'. Jurassic Park was on in the background daily, I had dozens of dinosaur toys--but none of them lit a spark of familiarity in me.

Around 10 I started to learn more about other pantheons than Christianity and was drawn to dragon deities specifically. I knew I was among them, and when I said this in confidence to fellow classmates, they told the teacher, who brought the school's Special Ed teacher and Guidance Councellor to talk to me. I was terrified they were going to send me to an asylum, so I learned to squash down my instincts--and to never tell another soul. I identified as a misanthrope as a teenager, immersing myself in Maladaptive Daydreaming, anime and other fictional media, not realizing I was trying to escape from the label of "human". I thought I was alone, crazy.

Fast forward about 15 years. A platonic relationship gone sour led me to cutting off with them and getting together with my now-spouse. The much more supportive and healthy relationship allowed me to explore my gender, which my agender transmed platmate instilled a curiosity in me but never let me even think about in terms of myself. Armed with a description (("unknowable by humans")), in a furious bid to find a label for my gender, I found a MOGAI list of genders and read each and every one--but one stuck out.

Deisgender: gender that is described as deific. Used by Godkin.

I had to know what "godkin" was. It sounded so homely, familiar even. My search led me to otherkin, but the details are extremely fuzzy. I dont remember what definition site I found, but I at some point started following otherkin tumblrs, learning more about myself and coming to terms with knowing I wasnt alone, I wasnt crazy. I started unearthing the shattered pieces of my non-humanity that I'd had to hide from my own psyche, piecing together the puzzle of what the hell I am now that I know better. I knew I was a Dragon. I knew I was a Goddess. I had this water bit, I had this infinite bit, I had this snake bit, but it took time and lots of furious googling research and I've tentatively settled on Naga, a Hindu river deity.

I learn about 'hearted. I took one look at Rapunzel and I knew 'hearted fits my relationship to her to a T. That was easy.

Fast forward another year or so. I've finally gotten a grip on knowing I'm a goddess--but I get this feeling I dont know the whole story. The latest installation of Jurassic World comes out. I love the Jurassic series, of course I'm going to go watch it. The teasers of the new dino are cool as hell. But as I watch that theme park monster move... I feel familiarity, unlike any other dinosaur I've seen, and I was a dinosaur kid. It isnt until I've seen the movie a second time I start to question it. At work in the kitchen, someone bangs a ladle on a pot--it sounds just like the Indo tapping it's killing claw on the floor; my toe taps back in my shoe.

That's when I knew. I kinfirmed it when the DVD came out that fall, and I watched the extras, seeing the walk cycle animation of the Indo. That was how I walked. But I dont remember Maize, or any of the other humans. I still had this weird crocodile piece I was trying to figure out. Shifts start--thats where the croc was from. Guess I'm not canon.